Weekend Shoe Candy.

If I knew then what I know now, Boy I tell ya'... But God makes no mistakes. Everything he's put me through was for a reason and I trust HIM fully.

Chapter23

I turn 23 today. Not yet sure how I'm feeling. Whenever my birthday approaches I always sit back and reflect on the past year. My mistakes, my lessons, my everything. A year sure did fly. Funny how this time last year I thought I found my KING. Oh life is so funny.

Here's to 23.

How can I expect change... If I keep doing the same things?

When will I be able to enjoy my best
Just lay down and get normal comfortable rest
Stare at my ceiling with nothing but good thoughts in mind
Have a family and companion of love and no more negative waste of time
Open my eyes and breath in a new day
Have a mouth full of blessings with nothing but christ like things to say
Open my arms to hug an array of surprises
And not have to clothed myself in pain and hurt disquises
Run my fingers thru my hair and smile at self
Knowing that 100 is my new health
Kiss my love on the nose
Knowing the next step of our relationship is for him to propose
Sing in the shower about how good God has been
While washing away a night full of dirty sin
Dressing in the purest of whites
To enjoy some beautiful sunlight
Listening to the birds and playing footsies in the central park grass
Giggles and laughter is all that I ask
Heart felt moments that bring joyful tears to eyes
The tasting of my favorite apple pies
Deep thoughts of being swallowed by eternal bliss
Never worrying about having just one last kiss
Him being me and me being he
Together basking in a commited unity
When will it occur, 22 years, prayers and wishes went up in the sky
God can you bless with me with my highest high
Eat, Pray and Love is what I present to you
My heart is pure and yes this is true
Now bless away, fill me with morning joy and your amazing grace
As I present you with my gifts of praise and show you my holy space
I kneel to you because you are the answer to my all
And if I ever hit rock bottom, in your arms is where I know I should fall
No matter where my mind will drift off to today
I know with you by my side I will always find my way
So God I ask in my bold stands
In the mist of love, my health and family stress just right now can you hold both my hands

"I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have my everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time--everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else."



This qoute defines me so perfectly its scary. I don't know if it's a positive thing that I get so lost inside of the person that I am in love with but I do. Often times this leaves me lonely... not many can deal with this. I will be at HIS beck and call anything he needs or desires I would be happily willing to provide. If HE says baby jump I will ask baby how high? Many find this to be crazy. They say I give too much of myself when I get into these relationships but why would I only give half of myself to someone that could potentially be my husband????

Fall Down Seven Times, Stand Up Eight

Celibacy Blues

"It's been hard to sleep at night,

Night, scratchin' it right

I get some new batteries almost every night

Lord, this here celibacy thing....