Anything Worth Having (and other random thoughts)

I know what it's like to be lonely when you're not alone.

Sometimes, things have to really get worse before they get better.

I think a crucial step was missed out on by not living on my own.

I think at 28, I've finally accepted who I am...and I don't feel bad about it.

I wonder if sometimes my expectations are simply too high and I'm living in a dream world. But then I remember that God wouldn't allow me to dream it if it weren't possible. My God is most capable.

Today in church I learned that sometimes, a response or comment from me is not needed and that it's okay to sometimes just remain quiet.

If I had the power to solve all of my problems, would I want to?

I write when it's in my best interest to not to be vocal.

It's so hard being the bigger person, when everyone once in a while, you want to let the "old" you come out.

When you've both said hurtful things, you apologize but the other person doesn't, do you then regret your apology? Ever wish you could take it back? Does that then mean your apology wasn't genuine in the first place? Does it just mean you've grown more and did the right thing?

It's hard taking the brunt of your loved one's growing pains. I have to pray for strength b/c this is bigger than me and if I try to do this "my" way, it'll hurt much more.

Two imperfect people trying to become one.

People claim that they "live each day like it's their last" but, do we really follow this? What I find so sad is that a lot of times, the people who have lost a loved one, are the very ones who take their "living" relationships/friendships for granted. You better wake up and realize that tomorrow is not promised. If you did something wrong, don't wait until the next day to apologize. If you love someone, don't wait until the next day to tell them. If you need to change something about yourself, don't wait until the next day to let that change be seen. What if you don't wake up? What if that loved one doesn't wake up? Then how will you feel. I don't mean to sound so morbid but, life is short...that's real. It frustrates me to no end when I see people thinking they have another day to get it right. It's even more of a struggle when I'm trying to "practice what I preach", I'm trying to say enough with the petty ish, but when that loved one doesn't seem to get it, you start to think it's pointless and futile. It's the constant struggle between taking the higher road or the lower road.

Up and down....good days and bad days... It's all so very draining. Every day, we wake up and make a choice. We choose how we're going to live through the day. Every waking moment of our lives, we determine how we let the actions affect us. This is not to say that bad times won't come. But, we don't have to let the bad vibes spill over into and over power our souls, our relationships, our spirit. Take advantage of being able to make the choice while you still can. It would be so unfortunate if you purposefully chose to stay down, thinking you could get it right tomorrow, only to find out that opportunity isn't an option.

Be careful not to stay down too long. You run the risk of ending up alone when you do finally decide to resuscitate your life.

Wish We Could Go Back

Remember wanting me so much
I used to tingle from your touch
and I'd wait for you to come home
You're sittin right beside the phone
and there was nothing else but you
and who could separate us two
I'd never know when we got lost
but now I'm counting up the calls

I wish we could go back (to love less complicated)
I wish we could go back (ready to prove our love when they said we couldn't make it)
Please tell me you miss that (that new love, that crazy love)
Cuz I wanna go back
I know it's possible tell me you feel it too

We barely talk, we barely smile
No hint of what we used to be
No courtesy and no romance
Not too much left of you and me
But it's not too late I believe
But baby we can get it back
Cuz life's too short for us to let
What we had die and just forget

I wish we could go back (to love less complicated)
I wish we could go back (ready to prove our love when they said we couldn't make it)
Please tell me you miss that (that new love, that crazy love)
Cuz I wanna go back
I know it's possible tell me you feel it too

~ Vivan Green - Wish We Could Go Back ~

I don't think I ever truly listened to the lyrics to this song until now. Is it ever really a good idea to want to go back to a past state? To think about how things were during those beginning days of dating, it sure does sound tempting, especially during the not so easy times of a relationship.

When you first started dating, you were so concerned with the other person's well being. You often went out of your way, above and beyond, to impress the other person. Nothing was too good for your baby. In fact, it often felt like nothing was ever good enough, causing you to find ways to outdo yourself the next time, and the next time, and the next time. An enormous amount of time and energy was invested in pleasing the other person, often at the expense of your own desires. But that didn't matter then, b/c seeing that other person happy made you happy. It pleased you to be able to please them. But, after some time, comfort comes knocking on your door, ready to take up residence. And, as we all know, comfort does not always know how to be a good house guest.

As with all aspects of life, once you get comfortable, certain things change. Things you used to do, you don't do anymore. There isn't enough time... It's a waste of money... It's just not important...anymore. It's here where daydreams are cultivated of the way things used to be.

One thing I've been blessed to experience is growth. During the difficult times, it's so easy to just say "kick rocks" and walk away. But, it is when we go through the fire, enduring the pain, that allows us to come out much stronger than before. Peter Marshall said God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless He has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty. Wanting to go back to how things were, prior to learning and growing, means that you go back to the weaker, less knowledgeable version of yourself. Even though it seems like a good idea to go back, I think I'd rather take my chances and look forward.

Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.